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The SpingeBill Collection Transcript
This is the transcript of the SpingeBill Collection by EmpLemon. Transcript * (The video reads "EmperorLemon Presents". Cut to Painty the Pirate) * Painty: '''Are you ready, kids? * (The video reads "A YouTube Poop Production...") * '''Painty: '''I can't hear you! * (Cut to a collage of characters and the words "The SpingeBill Collection".) * '''Painty: Ooooooooh! * (Transition to Spongebob and Squidward) * Spongebob: '''We're like brothers! (Pulls Squidward closer) * '''Hulk Hogan: Brother. * Spongebob: '''Only closer. (Pulls up Squidward's shirt to reveal they share a heart. They suddenly grow extra hearts out of their torsos, eventually sprouting one in their faces. Squidward screams loudly) * (Transition to Mrs. Puff) * '''Mrs. Puff: '''Ay-ay-ron! * (Spongebob is shown looking terrified) * '''Mrs. Puff: Where is Ay-ay-ron right now? * Spongebob: '''My name's Aaron. * '''Mrs. Puff: (Loses it) SON OF A BITCH! (Points in Spongebob's face) You done messed up, Ay-ay-ron! * (Transition to Squidward holding up Hilary Clinton.) * Squidward: '''Back in the kitchen! (Throws Hilary Clinton into the kitchen) * (Transition to Spongebob and the Chocolate Guy) * '''Chocolate Guy: Excuse me. Can I get a couple chocolates in here, please? * Spongebob: '''Sure! Here you go! * (Chocolate Guy drinks it, then starts coughing up blood) * '''Spongebob: Fool! * (Chocolate Guy grabs him.) * Chocolate Guy: 'What did you do to my drink?! * '''Spongebob: '''You asked for chocolate in your drink, and I only put in poison! * '''Chocolate Guy: '''You what?! * (Spongebob laughs evilly. Chocolate Guy's eyes start bleeding on Spongebob.) * '''Chocolate Guy: '''Motherfucker! (Barfs up even more blood) * (The paramedics carry him off.) * '''Chocolate Guy: '''You haven't seen the last of me! * (The paramedics drive him away. Transition to the YouTube view counter goijng up to 301. Transition to Squidward sitting on the toilet and yelling. His lower torso explodes in a mess of shit, sending him flying out of the Krusty Krab.) * '''Squidward: '''I'm done with my shit, Mr. Krabs! * '''Billy Mays: '''You shitting me? * (Squidward flies into the sky.) * '''Squidward: '''Wah hoo! Freedom! Woo hoo! (Laughs) * (Squidward flies into space) * '''Squidward: '''So long, suckers! * (Squidward flies past the Nyan Cat, Wheatley, and Admiral Ackbar.) * '''Admiral Ackbar: '''It's a trap! * (Squidward wakes up, still on the toilet. He realizes Spongebob is videotaping him.) * '''Squidward: '''SPONGEBOB! * (Transition to Mr. Krabs setting out a pile of junk as the Storage Wars theme plays. A fish walks up to him and picks up an umbrella with holes in it.) * '''Announcer: '''When storage units are abandoned, the treasures within are put up for auction. * '''Fish: '''I'll give you a buck fifty for this umbrella. * '''Mr. Krabs: '(Frustrated) Suck my testicles! * (He hears slurping noises and turns around to see that Spongebob and Patrick are, indeed, sucking his testicles) * 'Spongebob: '''They taste even better! * (Transition to Patrick looking at Slenderman.) * '''Patrick: '''That's not disturbing. ''This ''is disturbing! * (The necronomicon flies into his back, summoning Pat Back. The world falls into chaos as it sings it's horrible song.) * '''Pat Back: '''Hi there, Spongebob! My name is Pat Back! * '''Spongebob: '(Laughs) That is really disturbing! * (Transition to Spongebob humping Mr. Krabs in a flashback. Cut to Spongebob in a diner.) * '''Spongebob: '''I lost something I couldn't live without. My virginity. * (Transition to the Chocolate Guy rampaging out of the hospital) * '''Chocolate Guy: '''YOU'RE DEAD, SON! YOU'RE MOTHERFUCKING DEAD, SON! * (Transition to Squidward reading a poem.) * '''Squidward: '''I go to my favorite Krabby Patty stand (Cut to Spongebob punching him in the back of the head) and the dude says, "You come here all the time! (Cut to Spongebob giving him a Krabby Patty) Here's one for free!" (Squidward grabs it) I said, "Man, what I look like, a charity case?" I took it, and threw it on the ground! (Squidward throws it on the ground, horrifying Spongebob) I don't need your handouts! (Squidward yells in Spongebob's face and runs off) * (Transition to Spongebob as the Quickster running while "Floating Around at the Speed of Sound" plays. Cut to him standing in front of a rock while another him runs to the rock and back) * '''Spongebob: '''Want to see me run to that mountain and back? * (Cut to Squidward as Captain Magma.) * '''Announcer: '''Captain Faggot! Get him horny and he's bound to erupt! * '''Squidward: '''Semen! (Ejaculates out of his head) * (Cut to a distorted Spongebob running while the Sonic X theme plays. Cut to Patrick in a superhero costume.) * '''Announcer: '''The Elastic Batman! Able to stretch his dick into fantastic shapes and forms! (Patrick's dick starts stretching. Cut to him on the beach) * '''Patrick: '''I can finally touch my penis! (His penis becomes erect) * (Cut to Sandy as Miss Appear) * '''Announcer: '''Miss Appear! Now you see her... (Miss Appear turns into a color negative) ...now you don't! * '''Offscreen Voice: '''I can totally see you. * (Transition to an angry Scottish Fish.) * '''Scottish Fish: '''Look what I've got under me kilt! (He lifts his kilt to reveal Pat Back.) * '''Pat Back: Pat Back! * (Transition to Hobo Squidward talking to Spongebob.) * Squidward: '''I'm a loser! (Starts crying) * '''Mr. Krabs: '''Oh, boo hoo. Let me play a sad song. (Starts playing his violin) * '''Spongebob: '''I call this the Loser song. (Joins in on his guitar) * (Squidward starts dancing, Patrick starts playing the drums, and Plankton starts playing the tuba. Squidward joins in on clarinet as another Squidward starts crying.) * '''Squidward: '''Soy un perdedor! (Cut to him as a hobo crying) I'm a loser, baby, (Cut to him exploding after fattening his thighs with Krabby Patties) so why don't you kill me? (A chorus of Spongebobs starts singing) Soy, soy, soy, un perdedor! (Cut to Squidward deflating) I'm a loser, baby, (Cut to him handing Sandals a baseball bat) so why don't you kill me? Hey! (Polka starts playing as Squidward loses control of his bicycle and rides it off a cliff, then explodes) Too bad that didn't kill me. * (Transition to Spongebob in the movie theater. The THX theme starts playing, only to become louder and louder as the video turns red. The Deaugh Fish appears, his ears bleeding.) * '''Deaugh Fish: '''DEAUGH! * (Everybody runs out of the theater as it explodes. Cut to an enraged Patrick holding up soda cups) * '''Patrick: I cannot believe what I am hearing! * (Transition to two football players.) * Football Player: '''Hi, everyone! Welcome to John Madden football. (Starts slapping another fish's ass while "Oh Yeah" plays) * '''Random Guy: '''Come on, man! * (Transition to Spongebob and Gary) * '''Spongebob: '''I am now going to assault your mind with subliminal messages! * (Cut to Squidward masturbating and Patrick licking an ejaculating penis as "Get Low" plays. Pull out to reveal that it's a show Spongebob is watching. Gary slithers in.) * '''Gary: '''The fuck are you doing? * '''Spongebob: Gary! * (Spongebob changes the channel to football. Transition to Squidward wearing headphones, a dumb hat, and glasses while looking at an IPad.) * 'Announcer: '''Let's see. Inattentive. Impatient. A glazed look in the eyes. There's a name for people like this. We'll call him hipster. * '''Squidward: '''I'm getting paid attention for this, right, Mr. Krabs? * '''Announcer: '''Remember: Fuck hipsters. * (Transition to Spongebob sitting on top of Squidward.) * '''Squidward: '''What are you Super Saiyan? * (Cut to Spongebob as a Super Saiyan. He pushes Squidward's bed out of the house and pushes it at 88 miles an hour, sending them into the future.) * '''Doc: '''Back to the future! * (Cut to Squidward going forward into Season 6. He lands behind his house with a yell.) * '''Squidward: '''Whoa, okay, um, what's going on here? (He looks through the window to see Spongebob pulling out his toenail with a couch.) Holy fishpaste, what is that?! No no, no no! (Spongebob smashes the couch into Squidward's foot. He screams.) Future! Future! (Squidward shoots himself in the head, splattering the video with his blood.) * (Transition to Patrick) * '''Patrick: '''The end. * (The video reads "A Youtube Poop by EmperorLemon". The song "Don't you forget about me" plays in the background. Cut to black.) * '''Chocolate Guy: '''Did you forget about me?! * (Chocolate Guy breaks into the house and glares menacingly.) * '''Spongebob: '''Holy shit! Chocolate Guy! * '''Chocolate Guy: '(Pulls out rocket launcher and laughs) Finally! (He shoots it at Spongebob, blowing his head open. Chocolate Guy pulls out a pistol.) Now that I've got you right where I want you... * (Chocolate Guy puts the pistol in Spongebob's face, making him wince and close his eyes. The video turns black and white as Chocolate Guy shoots Spongebob seven times. As he does, flashbacks from earlier EmpLemon videos play, including "Spingebum vs. Flatz: THE MILLENIUM BATTLE", "The Krusty Krustacean's Kantankerous Kommercial", "Mr. Krabs' Unquenchable Blood Lust", and "Spinge Bulb feeds his snail performance enhancing drugs". When the flashbacks and gunshots are finally over, we see that Spongebob is now a bloody mess, his body full of bullet holes. Fade to black.) * (The video suddenly comes back. Spongebob's bullet wounds fade away and he opens his eyes.) * 'Spongebob: '(In disbelief, thinking) I'm absorbing his blows like I was made of some kind of... spongy material! * (He gets up and sees Chocolate Guy stumping away) * '''Spongebob: '''Hey, fatass! * '''Chocolate Guy: '''What the?! * '''Spongebob: '''Say hello to my little friend! * (He inhales deeply and shoots all of Chocolate Guy's bullets back at him, killing him. Patrick peeks out from behind Spongebob's chair and screams.) * (The video reads "50th upload. A Youtube Poop by EmperorLemon." The credits roll. After the credits, the video says "Thank You for 15K subscribers!" The video ends.)